birdseed football and graduate student
Yes he was known to use a discount golf putter.
||||||||||||||||||||||
There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire
summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing
a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the
field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing
a whistle, and then walking off the field.
At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard
home football game, the referee walked onto the field and
blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half
hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.
The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
|||||||||||
In a nearly unprecedented move this weekend I went to the
store and bought...a plant! I figured the old bachelor pad
needed a bit more of a home touch.
I say nearly unprecedented because this newest addition is
not the first plant I have owned. Six years ago a friend
gave me a house plant as a gift and that little guy is still
with me today. In fact, I was transplanting him to a bigger
planter which prompted me to buy a new plant for the old
planter. Got all that?
How, you might ask, has a bachelor managed to keep a house
plant alive for six years!? Well, since we're close personal
friends I'll let you in on my secret. About once a week I
will feed him a dilution of beer, kind of like a plant food.
I know it sounds unorthodox, but he seems to like it.
Of course, he could be surviving despite my ministrations
instead of because of them. But then...I can probably say
the same about myself!
||||||||||||||||||
Joe, My blonde wife and a "blonde challenged" friend, whom
we shall call "Rio", went to the mall. Rio's husband buys
and sells used cars and so she never drives the same one
for more than a few weeks. After a couple hours of power
shopping, they exited the mall and then, suddenly, Rio
stopped. "Where did we park?" she asked my wife.
"I don't know! What did we drive?"
"I have no idea." answered Rio.
After searching the parking lot for a few minutes with no
success, they were forced to find a pay phone and call
Rio's husband at work to find out which car she was using.
(Yes, they did make it home.)
--Clarence from Idaho
||||||||||||
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
||||||||||||
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see
the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm
for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter
of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found
the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for
our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very
satisfied."
In typical Chicago fashion the temperature went from forty
degrees last week to a record low of three degrees over the
weekend. We are now hovering at a balmy 20 degrees. Not too
bad for ten days before the beginning of Spring. This kind
of bizarre weather makes me long for the much more moderate
days I spent living in Denver, Colorado.
***
"A man had a dog called Minton. One day Minton ate two shut-
tlecocks. When the owner found out he said bad Minton!"
-Dave Barry
***
"Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough
to work at your company." -Scott Adams
***
"You know you're getting older when the first thing you do
after eating is look for a place to lie down."
--Louie Anderson
||||||||||||
Letters to a pastor...
**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my
sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Page 11, Anderson
**Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate,
but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could
you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty.
Age 10, New Haven
**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play
bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany
**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your
church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team.
We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander.
Age 10, Raleigh
**Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Command-
ments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough
rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when
it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
|||||||
Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband
Norm and I picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being
held by a woman nearby "the" perfect tree. I watched as she
carried it around the lot and couldn't believe my eyes when
she set it aside.
I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree. "Aren't
we lucky?" I said to Norm. "I do feel a little guilty, though,
for taking it before she could change her mind."
"Don't worry," he replied. "She just ran over and snatched
ours."
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
Amazingly competitive discount golf putters are online here. discount golf putters that help you win golf matches. discount golf putters contribute to teams victory. discount golf putters is this a shameless plug or what? What you say? Well hop in here and try these discount golf putters before you critique the discount golf putters. This is the link for discount golf putters: discount golf putters. There now that was not that bad was it?
||||||||||||||||||||||
There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire
summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing
a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the
field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing
a whistle, and then walking off the field.
At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard
home football game, the referee walked onto the field and
blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half
hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.
The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
|||||||||||
In a nearly unprecedented move this weekend I went to the
store and bought...a plant! I figured the old bachelor pad
needed a bit more of a home touch.
I say nearly unprecedented because this newest addition is
not the first plant I have owned. Six years ago a friend
gave me a house plant as a gift and that little guy is still
with me today. In fact, I was transplanting him to a bigger
planter which prompted me to buy a new plant for the old
planter. Got all that?
How, you might ask, has a bachelor managed to keep a house
plant alive for six years!? Well, since we're close personal
friends I'll let you in on my secret. About once a week I
will feed him a dilution of beer, kind of like a plant food.
I know it sounds unorthodox, but he seems to like it.
Of course, he could be surviving despite my ministrations
instead of because of them. But then...I can probably say
the same about myself!
||||||||||||||||||
Joe, My blonde wife and a "blonde challenged" friend, whom
we shall call "Rio", went to the mall. Rio's husband buys
and sells used cars and so she never drives the same one
for more than a few weeks. After a couple hours of power
shopping, they exited the mall and then, suddenly, Rio
stopped. "Where did we park?" she asked my wife.
"I don't know! What did we drive?"
"I have no idea." answered Rio.
After searching the parking lot for a few minutes with no
success, they were forced to find a pay phone and call
Rio's husband at work to find out which car she was using.
(Yes, they did make it home.)
--Clarence from Idaho
||||||||||||
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
||||||||||||
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see
the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm
for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter
of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the
letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found
the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for
our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very
satisfied."
In typical Chicago fashion the temperature went from forty
degrees last week to a record low of three degrees over the
weekend. We are now hovering at a balmy 20 degrees. Not too
bad for ten days before the beginning of Spring. This kind
of bizarre weather makes me long for the much more moderate
days I spent living in Denver, Colorado.
***
"A man had a dog called Minton. One day Minton ate two shut-
tlecocks. When the owner found out he said bad Minton!"
-Dave Barry
***
"Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough
to work at your company." -Scott Adams
***
"You know you're getting older when the first thing you do
after eating is look for a place to lie down."
--Louie Anderson
||||||||||||
Letters to a pastor...
**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my
sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he
gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Page 11, Anderson
**Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate,
but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could
you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty.
Age 10, New Haven
**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play
bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany
**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your
church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team.
We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander.
Age 10, Raleigh
**Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Command-
ments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough
rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when
it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
|||||||
Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband
Norm and I picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being
held by a woman nearby "the" perfect tree. I watched as she
carried it around the lot and couldn't believe my eyes when
she set it aside.
I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree. "Aren't
we lucky?" I said to Norm. "I do feel a little guilty, though,
for taking it before she could change her mind."
"Don't worry," he replied. "She just ran over and snatched
ours."
[Thanks to Reader's Digest.]
Amazingly competitive discount golf putters are online here. discount golf putters that help you win golf matches. discount golf putters contribute to teams victory. discount golf putters is this a shameless plug or what? What you say? Well hop in here and try these discount golf putters before you critique the discount golf putters. This is the link for discount golf putters: discount golf putters. There now that was not that bad was it?
