another way of attracting a sales person
Hey, here's another way of attracting a sales person
during the busy holiday season.
My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost teen-
age grandsons and were leaving the store when we realized we
didn't have batteries. He stepped over to a counter to get
the batteries but couldn't attract the attention of the clerk.
I waited for a little while then said "I'll get a clerk over
here real fast." With that, I pulled out my pocket tape
measure and started measuring a large TV set. Amazingly, a
clerk leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach
my side in jig time.
To his "may I help you?" I said - "Of course. I'll take 8 of
those batteries over there."
[Thanks to the very clever Judy for this helpful tip.]
*-------------------------------*
My friend Judy was working at a Maine costal resort when she
answered a call for information about the inn. After
finishing the conversation, Judy stepped away from the desk.
When the phone rang again, a student intern took the call.
"I forgot to ask something." the caller said, "How are the
rooms appointed?"
"Well, six of them are appointed west," the student said,
"and the rest are appointed east."
____________________________________________________________
It's been so fun reading everybody else's real-life funnies
over the past couple weeks that I thought I'd contribute
one of my own.
Several years ago me and "the gang" (that's myself, Mason,
Wolfman, Big Kahuna and the girlfriends) arranged to spend
a weekend camping at a lake. We were lucky enough to get a
space with deluxe accommodations, which means we got a two
bedroom trailer with a gas barbecue grill and a small
stretch of lawn with a six-foot fire pit right in the mid-
dle of it.
So we packed two coolers, one full of beer and the other
full of about $200 worth of food and headed off for a week-
end of fun.
The first thing we did was stack about four hundred pounds
of fire wood in the middle of the fire pit and set to with
a bottle of kerosene and a book of matches. In short order
we had a raging inferno you could probably see from space,
and not a single eyebrow left among us.
The next thing we did was to prep the barbecue grill for a
feast worthy of a king. While I was working the grill with
a wire-brush Mason was jiggling the propane tank.
"Hey ," he said. "I think we have a problem. The tank is
empty!"
"Couldn't be!" I exclaimed. "They were supposed to fill it!"
He was twisting the valve back and forth, "Nope, not a drop
of fuel in here. How far to the nearest town?"
"About 45 minutes," I answered, "but I don't think they have
a hardware store there."
So there we were, eight hungry people with a cooler full of
food and no way to cook it. We stood there, staring at the
grill. "If only we had some heat source," I commented.
"Maybe we could hike around and see if any of the other
campers have any charcoal?" suggested Mason.
"That's a good idea," said Kahuna, "but let's move away from
the fire...it's starting to make me sweat."
"Well, that's what you get for setting an entire tree trunk
on fire. Sure is hot, though."
"Yeah, hot as an oven..."
Suffice it to say that with a little engineering legerdemain
involving a couple volleyball poles we were finally able to
cook our steaks. The only drawback was that it took three
hours for the fire to die down enough so we could approach
it.
City kids...such two-dimensional thinkers.
***
"9W...The answer to the question, 'Do you spell your name
with a V, Mr. Vagner?'" --Steve Allen
***
"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have, which once you got it you may be
smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you
known." --Garrison Keillor
***
"Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I
have tested it." --Mark Twain
------------------------------------------------------------
A Rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of
wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown
down the street, but he is an old man and can't walk fast
enough to catch the hat. Across the street a Gentile sees
what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and then
returns it to the Rabbi.
"I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat,"
said the Rabbi. "Thank you very much." The Rabbi then
places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God
bless you."
The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the
Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the
Racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse
named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50 and sure enough the
horse comes in first.
In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1,
so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also.
Finally at the end of the day he returns home to his wife.
When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught
the Rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the
track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their
names.
"So where's the money?" she asks.
"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named
Chateau and it lost."
"You fool, Chateau is a house, Chapeau is a hat!"
"It doesn't matter," he said, "the winner was some Japanese
horse named Yarmulka."
*-------------------------------*
A real life joke...My kids, aged 10 and 12 were sitting under
a quilt on the couch watching television. I joined them, and
complained that there was not enough quilt for me. My 10 year
old replied "That's because the quilt is in portrait not
landscape!"
And sure enough, when we turned the quilt to "landscape" we
all fitted! ---Ros Boucher, Tasmania, Australia
*-------------------------------*
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede,
England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot
where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When
did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it
by a half hour!"
during the busy holiday season.
My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost teen-
age grandsons and were leaving the store when we realized we
didn't have batteries. He stepped over to a counter to get
the batteries but couldn't attract the attention of the clerk.
I waited for a little while then said "I'll get a clerk over
here real fast." With that, I pulled out my pocket tape
measure and started measuring a large TV set. Amazingly, a
clerk leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach
my side in jig time.
To his "may I help you?" I said - "Of course. I'll take 8 of
those batteries over there."
[Thanks to the very clever Judy for this helpful tip.]
*-------------------------------*
My friend Judy was working at a Maine costal resort when she
answered a call for information about the inn. After
finishing the conversation, Judy stepped away from the desk.
When the phone rang again, a student intern took the call.
"I forgot to ask something." the caller said, "How are the
rooms appointed?"
"Well, six of them are appointed west," the student said,
"and the rest are appointed east."
____________________________________________________________
It's been so fun reading everybody else's real-life funnies
over the past couple weeks that I thought I'd contribute
one of my own.
Several years ago me and "the gang" (that's myself, Mason,
Wolfman, Big Kahuna and the girlfriends) arranged to spend
a weekend camping at a lake. We were lucky enough to get a
space with deluxe accommodations, which means we got a two
bedroom trailer with a gas barbecue grill and a small
stretch of lawn with a six-foot fire pit right in the mid-
dle of it.
So we packed two coolers, one full of beer and the other
full of about $200 worth of food and headed off for a week-
end of fun.
The first thing we did was stack about four hundred pounds
of fire wood in the middle of the fire pit and set to with
a bottle of kerosene and a book of matches. In short order
we had a raging inferno you could probably see from space,
and not a single eyebrow left among us.
The next thing we did was to prep the barbecue grill for a
feast worthy of a king. While I was working the grill with
a wire-brush Mason was jiggling the propane tank.
"Hey ," he said. "I think we have a problem. The tank is
empty!"
"Couldn't be!" I exclaimed. "They were supposed to fill it!"
He was twisting the valve back and forth, "Nope, not a drop
of fuel in here. How far to the nearest town?"
"About 45 minutes," I answered, "but I don't think they have
a hardware store there."
So there we were, eight hungry people with a cooler full of
food and no way to cook it. We stood there, staring at the
grill. "If only we had some heat source," I commented.
"Maybe we could hike around and see if any of the other
campers have any charcoal?" suggested Mason.
"That's a good idea," said Kahuna, "but let's move away from
the fire...it's starting to make me sweat."
"Well, that's what you get for setting an entire tree trunk
on fire. Sure is hot, though."
"Yeah, hot as an oven..."
Suffice it to say that with a little engineering legerdemain
involving a couple volleyball poles we were finally able to
cook our steaks. The only drawback was that it took three
hours for the fire to die down enough so we could approach
it.
City kids...such two-dimensional thinkers.
***
"9W...The answer to the question, 'Do you spell your name
with a V, Mr. Vagner?'" --Steve Allen
***
"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have, which once you got it you may be
smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you
known." --Garrison Keillor
***
"Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I
have tested it." --Mark Twain
------------------------------------------------------------
A Rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of
wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown
down the street, but he is an old man and can't walk fast
enough to catch the hat. Across the street a Gentile sees
what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and then
returns it to the Rabbi.
"I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat,"
said the Rabbi. "Thank you very much." The Rabbi then
places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God
bless you."
The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the
Rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the
Racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse
named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50 and sure enough the
horse comes in first.
In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1,
so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also.
Finally at the end of the day he returns home to his wife.
When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught
the Rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the
track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their
names.
"So where's the money?" she asks.
"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named
Chateau and it lost."
"You fool, Chateau is a house, Chapeau is a hat!"
"It doesn't matter," he said, "the winner was some Japanese
horse named Yarmulka."
*-------------------------------*
A real life joke...My kids, aged 10 and 12 were sitting under
a quilt on the couch watching television. I joined them, and
complained that there was not enough quilt for me. My 10 year
old replied "That's because the quilt is in portrait not
landscape!"
And sure enough, when we turned the quilt to "landscape" we
all fitted! ---Ros Boucher, Tasmania, Australia
*-------------------------------*
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede,
England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot
where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When
did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it
by a half hour!"
